Shape of My Heart
by Marianya
Summary: This is a songfiction based on the Backstreet Boys song of the same name. Based entirely on the manga, Mamoru, through thoughts and flashbacks, comes to realize that he is in love with Usagi.


Title: Shape of My Heart  
Author: Marianya  
Lyrics: Backstreet Boys  
Rate: General  
Date developed: Oct. 26, 00  
Date revised: Dec. 2, 00  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Another romance song fiction, lol, I'm just a sucker for these, strange, half of   
my fan fiction is more action suspense based than romance, while as the other   
half is action, suspense, and romance rolled into one. Ah well.  
  
Perhaps I should start talking about the song fiction, ne? This is based on   
manga version of Sailor Moon. When Usagi faints and Mamoru carries her to his   
apartment. This is based more on Mamoru's point of view.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not, will not, own Sailor Moon or anything related to her.   
They all belong to Naoko Takeuchi.  
  
I do not, will not own the lyrics to the song Shape of My Heart, nor do I own   
the Backstreet Boys. I voided all rights to them when I found out that Brian   
Littrel and Kevin Richardson were getting married. Sorry girls, but the other   
three just don't flow with me. You guys could go and fight for them. :-)  
  
Anyway, on with the show! Eh, story! Eh, song fiction!  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
*****************  
Shape Of My Heart  
  
*****************  
Hmm, yeah, yeah  
Baby, please try to forgive me  
Stay here don't put out the glow  
Hold me now don't bother   
if every minute it makes me weaker  
You can save me from the man   
that I've become, oh yeah  
  
*****************  
  
"Huh?" "What?" "What happened?" "Where am I?" People were slowly getting up   
from their near eternal sleep. The once dead quiet city of Tokyo was slowly   
reawakening to the hustle and bustle before its citizens' started getting their   
energy drained by the Dark Kingdom forces.  
  
While many of its citizens went on with their lives before their short nap, none   
noticed the two people in the alley that had saved all of their lives, one a   
girl in sailor fuku, and the other in a tuxedo and cape. Sensing the girl's   
weakness Tuxedo Kamen turned around quickly enough to catch the fallen hero.  
  
"Sailor Moon?" He was worried, worried that she may have expended her life   
force in bringing everyone back to life. Worried that she may have suffered   
while the Dark Kingdom drained her energy while she was in her civilian form.  
  
The girl that brought the concern out from the formal-dressed man only felt the   
need to rest and promptly fainted soon after she used her scepter on the people   
of Tokyo, "I'm so tired, I can't hold on..."  
  
Tuxedo Kamen lifted the unconscious girl into his arms a small smile creeping   
along his features, "You used all of your power. You did great... Sailor   
Moon." He felt himself drawn to the sleeping lips of the girl, and slowly his   
lips lowered towards her slightly parted lips and placed a small sweet butterfly   
kiss upon them. Sailor Moon did not stir, it was for the best, for Tuxedo Kamen   
quickly disappeared from the alleyway and towards the apartment that he lived.  
  
*****************  
  
Looking back on the things I've done  
I was trying to be someone  
I played my part, and kept you in the dark  
Now let me show you the shape of my heart  
  
*****************  
  
Carrying the unconscious girl, Tuxedo Kamen's thoughts wandered to the first   
time he met this girl both civilian and warrior forms before he knew they were   
one in the same, several weeks ago in front of the OSP*A Jewelry Boutique...  
  
~~~~~ START FLASHBACK ~~~~~  
  
He did not know how he got there, nor did he remembered changing his clothes,   
all he knew was that he was drawn to the store now wearing a fitted black tuxedo   
and dark sunglasses. He felt that he had to be there. There was going to be   
something special happening at that particular jewelry store, he just couldn't   
place his finger on it. Whatever that feeling in his heart was, it could wait,   
he had other things on his mind like, "the Silver Crystal."  
  
As he glanced at the boutique, his consciousness failed to recognize the nagging   
feeling that his subconscious was trying to tell him. While he was looking at   
the store wondering if it may contain the crystal that he needed a young girl   
with two flowing silver blond pigtails wrapped in a twin set of buns upon her   
head walked out of store crumpling a piece of paper in her small hands.   
  
Without looking whom could be behind her she threw the wadded up paper ball over   
her shoulder and it landed * smack * right between the eyes of the man dressed   
in a tuxedo. After his initial shock had worn off he took the crumpled paper   
ball and opened it up to reveal a big red '*30*' printed on the top of it.   
Seeing the retreating figure in the distance his mouth started to speak before   
he had a chance to stop it.  
  
"Thanks a lot cowtails, right in my face. Why don't you try aiming for a waste   
basket next time." As soon as those words flew from his mouth he instantly   
regretted saying them. Sure he wanted to cute girl to notice him, but with a   
smiling sunshine face, not one of disgust and anger. Baka, Baka, couldn't you   
think of a better thing to grab her attention? The damage was already done,   
soon the girl turned around on her heel with fire in her eyes.  
  
"These," pointing to her hair, "are not 'cowtails,' they're called 'pigtails'   
baka, 'PIGTAILS'!"  
  
The beauty of the girl astounded Mamoru, regardless of the redness and anger   
that she was showing, he loved the way her nose flared up, he loved the way her   
cheeks burned. Now that he looked at her face, he realized that he was growing   
in love with her and fast. Mamoru was so entranced by the girl that he did not   
realize that she took her test away from him, and now she had turned her heel   
and skipped away from him. Her two streamers of silver blond hair dancing on   
air, never touching the cold, soiled ground once. Before he had a chance to   
stop himself, "Fine Odango-Atama, take your low test paper, I don't want to see   
it in my face again."  
  
The girl turned around for the last time, and stuck out her tongue in disgust   
and then left, flying streamers and all. As she turned the corner Mamoru   
remembered her tongue sticking out and how her face scrunched up to emphasize   
the disgust that she was feeling. Mamoru, my friend that annoying   
subconscious was at it again you are a fallen man, with a girl much younger   
than you no less. Mamoru conceded, yes I have fallen, and I believe I will   
continue falling until the end of time.  
  
~~~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~~~  
  
Tuxedo Kamen smiled at the thought. True, he did not speak kindly to her, but   
what else was he to say? There was this angel walking away from him leaving   
nothing behind but a crumpled ball of paper. That was the day he started to   
feel differently towards her. Looking at the precious bundle, he realized that   
he is in love with her, not the super hero Sailor Moon, but the junior high   
school student Tsukino Usagi.  
  
Reaching his apartment via the rooftops, Tuxedo Kamen crept in, carefully   
holding the unconscious Sailor Moon in his arms. He knew that he would have to   
tell her what he felt about her, soon, before everything disappears.  
  
*****************  
  
Sadness is beautiful   
loneliness is a tragic cause  
So help me I can't win this war, oh no  
Touch me now don't bother   
if every second it makes me weaker  
You can save me from the man I've become  
  
*****************  
  
Once inside his apartment Tuxedo Kamen walked quickly to his bedroom and   
gingerly laid Sailor Moon upon the bed. After covering her in the blanket upon   
his bed, Tuxedo Kamen walked out to the living room. He unclipped his cape and   
threw it upon the sofa he took off his tuxedo jacket and tossed it on top of his   
cape. Then he flung his top hat and mask revealing Chiba Mamoru.  
  
Mamoru, oh that darn subconscious are you going to tell the girl your   
feelings? Mamoru wanted to tell Sailor Moon no, Usagi that he liked no,   
loved her. He never truly realized that he was completely in love with that   
crybaby of a school girl until that night at the D-Land Ball. But it was not   
the young school there, it was an older, more sophisticated version of her.   
  
When he saw her across the room, his heart stopped for several seconds, for she   
was in the vision of an angel, of a princess. A princess that was when his   
subconscious finally came to the realization that Tsukino Usagi was none other   
than his princess, the princess that has been calling to him in his dreams. His   
conscious did not come to the same conclusion until the angel dropped her   
handkerchief in a rush to the powder room. Mamoru stopped to pick up the cloth,   
and when he saw the name upon it "Tsukino Usagi - Juuban Junior High"  
  
With his subconscious taking control, Mamoru (in his Tuxedo Kamen garb) walked   
to the angel and asked for her hand to dance. During the dance he tried hard to   
memorize every move, every detail of his angel, incase he may never have the   
opportunity to have her in his arms again. But all too soon Princess D became   
possessed and chaos ensued, the Sailor Scouts and Tuxedo Kamen came on to the   
scene and saved the day.  
  
The evening was nearing the end when Sailor Moon drank some champagne, it was   
then that Tuxedo Kamen took the girl to the balcony ledge and almost kissed her.   
He would have kissed her if it were not for that cat of hers Luna was it's   
name, wasn't it? Mamoru smiled as he walked to the kitchen counter and took   
out the silk handkerchief with Usagi's name embroidered in it. He loved her he   
realized to himself, and he always will.  
  
*****************  
  
Looking back on the things I've done  
I was trying to be someone (trying to be someone)  
I played my part, and kept you in the dark (in the dark)   
Now let me show you the shape of my heart  
*****************  
  
Mamoru walked out to the balcony, still waiting for Sailor Moon to awaken, he   
knew that she would be fine, but he was worried about her all the same. He   
thought back to when he saw that girl in her soldier form, ironically it was on   
the same day, the same day he met Tsukino Usagi. It was when he saw not one,   
but two different girls, before he found out that they were one in the same.  
  
~~~~~ START FLASHBACK ~~~~~  
  
He stood in the darkness of shadows, completely unsure as to how to go about   
defeating this woman or youma? that was draining all the energy from the young   
brown haired school girl who kept calling her "MOMMY!"  
  
He spent many precious moments contemplating what to do in defeating this new   
foe. Before he could make a move he heard a voice coming from the front door,   
"Get your hands off of Naru now! You ugly witch! I am a Champion of Justice,   
and Defender Against Evil! Sailor Moon!" Tuxedo Kamen saw from his vantage   
point a young girl probably no more than high school age emerge from the outside   
of the store.  
  
Almost immediately Tuxedo Kamen felt a surge of attraction towards this young   
heroine, and he felt a pressing need to help her at all costs. He decided to   
wait out this battle and just come out should the need arise.  
  
He took this short amount of time to assess the newcomer, the first thing he   
noticed was the twin set of streamers that came from the twin set of buns upon   
her head like odangos. The silver-blond hair was a rather unique color, he   
noted as oppose to regular yellow or sunshine blond hair. He realized how   
clumsy and careless she was, and her tears, she is not yet sure of herself and   
her abilities.  
  
Realizing that Sailor Moon would be in trouble unless someone was there to help   
her, Tuxedo Mask took that opportunity to call out to her and reassure her,   
"Don't cry Sailor Moon." He called out as he jumped from his hiding place to   
the ground, he landed on one knee as he spoke, "now is your chance."  
  
Seeing that his words was all she needed to be reassure to stand up and fight   
she called out her "Moon Tiara Frisbee" and tossed her transformed tiara into   
the youma. As soon as the tiara frisbee made contact to the youma, it   
disintegrated into moon dust.  
  
For a short moment Tuxedo Kamen was uncomprehending that there was this young   
school girl that wielded immense power, far more than what the imagination could   
see. Seeing that he was no longer needed Tuxedo Kamen took that opportunity to   
disappear with a declaration, "I did not find the SILVER CRYSTAL here..."  
  
Leaping into the air Tuxedo Mask lifted off and continued towards his   
destination, "...however I enjoyed the show." With a flutter of his cape he   
disappeared from the view of Sailor Moon.   
  
"My name is Tuxedo Kamen. I won't forget you... Sailor Moon." He allowed his   
voice to linger in the air as he leaped to his home.  
  
Tuxedo Kamen knew that he had feelings for this Sailor Moon, but he never did   
realize as to why those feelings were ignited only seconds after meeting her.  
  
~~~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~~~  
  
Mamoru smiled to himself now I finally realize that Tsukino Usagi and Sailor   
Moon are one in the same, she is also similar to the girl that has been haunting   
me in my dreams. He felt intense feelings towards the girl Usagi, he also felt   
those same emotions towards Sailor Moon, he knew that he would have to tell her   
his feelings, but now was not the time, it was too soon. Far too soon.  
  
*****************  
  
I'm here with my confession  
Got nothing to hide no more  
I don't know where to start   
But to show you the shape of my heart  
*****************  
  
Mamoru walked slowly away from his balcony, contemplating the decision that he   
made, he would tell her who he was, she deserved that much. He did not know how   
she would react to him, Chiba Mamoru, being the savior that she had come to her   
rescue battle after battle. Before he never truly knew why he felt that pulling   
need to save her, he never truly understood why he was always called upon to   
help her during battles. Now that Mamoru is able to see Usagi transform into   
Sailor Moon, his mission was clear, his actions were justified, for he was in   
love. It would seem that his purpose to life on Earth was to fall in love with   
this girl and give her strength and confidence to continue fighting.  
  
Yes, he had to tell Usagi that he was Tuxedo Kamen. He did not know how she was   
going to react to him. Quite frankly he was somewhat afraid that she would   
reject him should she know. He could not stand the wait any longer, Mamoru knew   
of Usagi's identity since he saw her transform at the Sendai Hill Crossing.   
  
His heart ached to hold the sleeping girl into his arms, to caress her soft   
skin, to feel the sweetness of her innocent lips brush against his own, a soft   
feather brushing against his lips in a tantalizing and seductive innocence. To   
see those blue pools filled with the bright brilliance of the blue sky.  
  
He knew that he could tell her exactly what he felt about her now, but that may   
push her farther away than to bring her closer to his embrace. They fit   
together, two pieces of a puzzle, in more ways than one, and he would gladly   
wait longer for her to come around than to ruin his chances now. Even if it   
would mean never to truly hold her in his arms for a while longer. He'll wait.  
  
Mamoru slowly took soft steps towards his bedroom door, behind the closed door   
held the sleeping beauty beneath the linen covers, awaiting for her prince to   
give a small tender kiss upon the pale pink lips. Mamoru banished the thought,   
he'll go back to that another day, another time, because now was not the right   
time.   
  
His hand reached the door handle and he realized that the sleeping angel was no   
longer asleep, so with a long tortured breath he brought his façade up and   
slowly turned the handle. "Are you awake?" He asked the confused child within   
the room.   
  
*****************  
  
I'm looking back on things I've done   
I never want to play the same old part  
I'll keep you in the dark (keep you in the dark)  
Now let me show you the shape of my heart  
  
On the things I've done  
I was trying to be someone (trying to be someone)   
I played my part, and kept you in the dark  
Now let me show you the shape of my heart  
(Now let me show you the shape of my heart)  
  
*****************  
  
Mamoru stood there seeing a rush of emotions fly through the brilliant blue eyes   
of Tsukino Usagi. Of all the reactions that he expected to see in those eyes,   
in that innocent face, the one that he had least expected was love. The slight   
smile that she tried to fight from showing, he could not help but realize that   
she looked all the more beautiful with every passing minute.  
  
Mamoru watched in amusement as young Usagi showed her feelings towards him one   
by one. The fear and utter confusion that were in her eyes the first moment he   
looked at her. The sympathy and caring that her eyes portrayed as he recounted   
the few memories of his past and his long search for any clues to his past.  
  
For several long moments they stood there facing one another unknowing what to   
do, what to say. Neither wanted to break the silence, neither wanted it to end,   
for they both felt it, a connection, a bond being formed within their hearts,   
entwining their duel souls into one. "Luna's waiting for me..." the chimelike   
voice of Usagi filled the silent air, "...I've gotta go."  
  
Mamoru brought out his arm and slowly pulled Usagi against him, leading her   
towards the door he had a sudden urge to kiss her. Behind her he whispered,   
"Hey, Usako..." bring out his other hand he brought it out in front, "don't   
forget your bag."  
  
Mamoru watched as the school girl slowly walked out of the apartment and closed   
the door behind her. Letting out a soft sigh he walked towards the counter and   
pulled out the handkerchief, Usako's handkerchief, It will be getting dark   
soon. Memories of the ball rushed through his mind, the dance, the angel, the   
princess, and the balcony kiss. Bringing the handkerchief to his lips he slowly   
kissed it as he remembered Usagi being in his arms, her small fragile body,   
close to his own.  
  
Putting the handkerchief away he walked slowly to the balcony and looked out.   
There he saw the little princess walk away from the apartment complex, flying   
pigtails and all. He remembered the first time he saw those flying pigtails,   
and he his fingers ached to run themselves through the silver blond hair. He   
watched as Usagi walked towards her own home, her streamers not touching the   
ground once. He shuddered at the thought of those long streamers of hair   
touching the ground even once.  
  
He continued to look out the balcony long after the little bunny disappeared   
from view, the rise of the full moon came across the horizon giving Mamoru the   
much needed comfort. Feeling a sense of warmth and comfort he whispered into   
the breeze, "So you are my princess, my little bunny, Usako. I won't tell you   
yet, but I love you."  
  
He kissed into the air one of the few signs of affection and slowly walked into   
his apartment, feeling so much better of knowing that someone cared for him.   
That knowledge slowly filled the void within his heart that he never thought   
that he would feel again.  
  
"I love you Usako."  
  
*****************  
  
On the things I've done  
I was trying to be someone  
I played my part, and kept you in the dark  
Now let me show you the shape of...  
  
Show you the shape of...  
... my heart  
  
*****************  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Author's Note:  
  
*Sigh* there it is song fiction number three. I'm not too happy with this one;   
I may put up a rewrite sometime in the future.  
  
There, the song fiction that I accidentally showed on "A Sailor Moon Romance",   
when I decided to put all song fiction with their own group. *Sigh* talk about   
carelessness on my part. Well truthfully, this story was probably more   
developed than two other's that I was planning to write after "Without You".   
That's what happens when you start listening to a certain song more than you   
should.  
  
Well, one song fiction for the month of December, I'm hoping to put up another   
to make up for last month. I'm writing a fanfiction so that's usually the main   
reason why it's taking so long to put these up.  
  
In case you are wondering on progression, I have two parts of the story done,   
two parts being written and the rest is still being thoroughly developed before   
writing. Again I hope to start posting it by late Summer of 2001, but with an   
engineering major it's hard to find more than two hours a day writing.  
  
I am also writing a crossover dealing with Sailor Moon, but information on that   
will come on a later "Author's Notes" in another story.  
  
Did you ever notice that it's hard to create a pure action/suspense song   
fiction? Especially with all the romance and "I love you" songs out there?   
Hmm, I see an idea popping up. Need to look into that idea though.  
  
I have an idea in development in terms of a one part short story; maybe I'll   
work on that for the month of December. Oh my, I'm getting a bit ahead of   
myself.  
  
Anyway, arigato for reading and for your patience.  
  
Ja ne!  



End file.
